Kent State University-Kent Campus
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Posted on
Aug 25, 2009 at 12:22pm by
jstress
§ I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
§ I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
§ You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
§ Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.
§ There is a great need for sarcasm font.
§ Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart."
§ Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the f was going on when I first saw it.
§ I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
§ I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
§ The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.
§ I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
§ MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
§ Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
§ I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
§ If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.
§ Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.
§ More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.
§ Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
§ I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?
§ That's enough, Nickelback.
§ Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know" feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?
§ A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.
§ Was learning cursive really necessary?
§ LOL has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".
§ I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
§ How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
§ Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"
§ Bad decisions make good stories
§ Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!
§ Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?
§ I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page document that I swear I did not make any changes to.
§ "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.
§ I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
§ I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
§ I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
§ As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
§ Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
§ It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.
§ I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
§ Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, threading a needle and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I’d bet my arse everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...
§ My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?
§ I wonder if cops ever get ticked off that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.
§ I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.
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